<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Sometime it will be better by escapetodaydream</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484806">Sometime it will be better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapetodaydream/pseuds/escapetodaydream'>escapetodaydream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fjord has a shitty day, Gen, Hugs, Panic Attacks, Self-Doubt, if they have any romantic feeling towards each other they have no idea at this point, yeah its just a hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:21:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,694</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapetodaydream/pseuds/escapetodaydream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fjord had been hugged before, more so during his adventures with The Mighty Nein than before he met them. It had always been a short, more or less awkward act. You can fool yourself, but it always had more meaning than just a show of friendly intentions. It was (mostly) desired by both parties involved, even though one or more parties tended to sigh heavily or huff in discontent or try to wiggle out after the shortest second.</p>
<p>This was different.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sometime it will be better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I love creating moments but i almost never write them down. This is my first try here, so please be kind.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started with a simple hug, when Fjord felt… different. He had been hugged before, more so during his adventures with The Mighty Nein than before he met them. It had always been a short, more or less awkward act. You can fool yourself, but it always had more meaning than just a show of friendly intentions. It was (mostly) desired by both parties involved, even though one or more parties tended to sigh heavily or huff in discontent or try to wiggle out after the shortest second.</p>
<p>This was different.</p>
<p>He vaguely remembered the feeling of being hugged like this. He did not remember his parents at all, though he always had an inkling inside that he was hugged a good deal as a baby or a toddler. It must have happened before his adult memory began, with the shoving and fighting in the orphanage, where every touch was meant as a threat. Fjord was somehow sure he was loved at some point in his life, even though he never tried to look for any proof of that. Perhaps out of fear of there being no proof.<br/>No. No need to go there. Stay in the now. Now felt exactly like this endless, childish hug, where you (he could imagine) run to your mother or father, standing so tall they reach the sky, you run to them when you are tired, grumpy or hurt and just attach yourself to them for an unending amount of time, making their embrace your whole world.</p>
<p>He felt tears gathering in his eyes and buried his face deeper into Caduceus’ shirt. There was still no place for tears in his mind, even if his body was lost in this childish hug. He cursed himself for being so set in his ways.<br/>What were they even doing here? Fjord remembered he was standing at the ship’s railing, wistfully watching the cloudy horizon. There was no apparent reason for his moodiness. Well, none bigger than any regular day of The Mighty Nein, somehow getting themselves caught in the worst of the meat grinder that is the world. Sometimes he felt fine running from whoever was chasing them, or fighting whatever they couldn't outrun. This was not the day. Today Fjord was looking into the far horizon irretrievably hoping for something to catch his eye, to distract him from all the wallowing that was happening inside him. The wallowing was taking over, as he scoffed at himself - sometimes you feel miserable, and you deserve to be. He almost let out a discontent huff when he felt someone approach him. "Be polite" was ingrained in him as deep as "Don't cry" . The self-restraint paid off: Caduceus was standing beside him, looking out to the same grey skies. Snapping at him was alway painful for Fjord yet he couldn't clearly grasp why. Must be the high respect he held for him as the cleric. Yes, that's it. <br/>None of them said anything for a while, Fjord trying to discreetly observe his company with a side of an eye. His sneaky look was caught (obviously) and Caduceus turned his face to him. A faint hint of smile, and calm (or were they sad..?) eyes looked at him. Fjord felt he couldn't hold his gaze. So he turned back to the ocean and sighed.<br/>“Something bothering you, Mr Fjord?”<br/>“Yeah. You calling me Mr Fjord, when you are decades older than me” he spat out, and immediately regretted it. Damn this moodiness.<br/>“Oh” Caduceus turned back to the water, his brow slightly furrowed. <br/>“I am sorry, Caduceus…” Fjord let his weight drop to his arms and put his face in his hands “I am just… in a bad mood. Didn't mean to be rude to you”<br/>“Alright then” Fjord looked through his fingers up to Caduceus, but did not see the smile come back to his face.<br/>Caduceus leaned against the railing, and rocked a bit on his feet. Was it for fun, or to compensate for the swaying of the boat, Fjord couldn't say. The railing was very low for a tall person like him and Fjord tried to inch a bit closer, just in case. Just in case he needed to catch him if he lost balance. Of course, Caduceus noticed that, but didnt say anything. <br/>“I am pretty sure something IS bothering you, m.. um. Fjord” Caduceus started, with a slight stutter. <br/>Fjord sighed, he felt very guilty now for being so snappy. Could he explain perhaps? Apologize? Would that make it better? <br/>"its just.. Bad mood" no answer to that, Caduceus just kept leaning further on the railing and looking to the distance. It felt like he was eager to topple over "its.. I feel like whatever i choose to do, i eventually regret.. I try to organize my life, our lives… And we end up making really strange decisions that are questionable to put it mildly and pretty often just plain horrible… and.. I dont even believe anymore we could have made a better choice. And thats just. So, so scary. Sometimes i feel i will never in my life live up to what others put on me, hoped from me.. " he choked for a moment, staring at his own hands grasping the railing. <br/>Caduceus stopped rocking and looked at him quietly then turned around to sit on the railing and inspect him even more intently. He still said nothing. <br/>"i mean.." Fjord started again, struggling to swallow a lump in his throat "how can anyone ever make a decision that won't have repercussions…? Dire, horrible consequences making you feel like a horrible person for ever thinking of doing that.." Fjord felt an even bigger lump catching his breath and he had to let go of the railing and feel his own throat to feel if there was something physically choking him. <br/>"Fjord" he vaguely heard in Caduceus' voice as he was too wrapped up in his own feelings of sudden immense dread. Caduceus' arms slid into his field of vision and took him by his shoulders. Fjord felt too choked up even to move. The arms gently guided him closer and he felt pressed by them to Caduceus' chest. The gentle pressing weirdly made his choked throat feel just a little easier. He concentrated on that. On breathing in.. And out.. One more...</p>
<p>How long did they stay like this? It was strange, being hugged by Caduceus. He was much taller, therefore Fjord’s face was buried in his silken shirt just under his collar bone. But he was also thin and skinny, Fjord’s shoulders were way wider, and with his arms wrapped around Caduceus’ whole torso his hands were touching his own elbows. It was like hugging someone who is way bigger than you and also so much smaller.<br/>Fjord felt one of Caduceus’ hands on his back, and the other one slowly stroking the back of his head. He stifled a little involuntary wimper. Now he really felt like a comforted child. Safe. Powerless. He swallowed the moment of weakness and then turned his head a bit, so he could speak. He turned intentionally to the side that did not hinder the stroking of his hair. <br/>“Why are you doing this?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“This..!” Fjord made a vague gesture with his hand, which Caduceus clearly didn't see.<br/>“Oh” he considered for a moment “Why are you?”<br/>Fjord peeled his face away from Caduceus’ shirt as he turned his head sharply up to look at his face. Caduceus was still looking at the ocean, and then slowly turned to look back down. The sweet spell of stroking of the hair was broken and Fjord felt a tinge of disappointment creeping in. <br/>Fjord couldn't keep the irritation from his voice.<br/>“I mean… you keep comforting me… i mean… people… keep forgiving our extremely poor decisions that cause harm to you, to each other, keep healing everyone without looking back to yourself..!” he huffed and felt a new ball of anger built in his throat and was starting to breath deeper. <br/>A quiet “Oh! ”, and Caduceus looked back up to the horizon.<br/>Fjord felt even more irritated with this answer now than he was before. How can this man just… just accept whatever is thrown at him..! It's just…<br/>“...I thought we were talking about the hug”<br/>Fjord just stared at him, his thought broken mid-way. Now it was a perfect time to use the one syllable word that irritated him so just a second ago, he was lost. He mindfully swallowed it down. <br/>“Um.. “ (...damn it..!) “I… Uh..I am sorry, Caduceus. I just keep trying to fight you tonight. I dont know whats wrong with me...” he sighed and turned his face back to face the soft fabric of the silky shirt. He was so grateful his spiteful charge didn't loosen the soft embrace of Caduceus. He didn't want to admit, yet he hoped… maybe… maybe Caduceus would even go back to…? <br/>He didn't. After a while Fjord peeked a look back up to Caduceus’ face. He was looking back down at him again with a faint smile.<br/>“Maybe that's what's wrong?” he squeezed Ford stronger in his arms, burying the face even deeper in his chest, and putting his chin on the top of Fjords head “Maybe you just need a hug..?”<br/>Fjord didn't manage to contain a whimper this time. He just curled his fists into the back of Caduceus shirt and let the tears form in his eyes and soak into the fine fabric. Wrapped up in his own torrent of emotions he was almost sure he felt Caduceus' kiss on the top of his head.</p>
<p>"i will assume it was a yes" a deep rumble of a voice reached him, followed by a chuckle. It was so pleasant to hear Caduceus' voice coming straight from his chest, like it was the whole, the only world around. Fjord felt a shiver pass through his whole body and felt himself slack just a little more. He was still not good. But it felt now that it can be better. Sometime it will be better. Sometime like this.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>